I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
