dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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