i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
