his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
