I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
