I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
