It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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