He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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