You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
