did you get engaged???
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
