I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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