I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
