I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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