Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
