i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
