he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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