Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
