I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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