im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
