Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
