When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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