take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
