but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize