for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
