im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
