had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
