Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
