needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
