me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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