I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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