then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
