I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
