Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
