it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
