drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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