just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize