There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
