i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
