they need to just BURY HIM!
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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