once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
