I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
