no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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