I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
