i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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