You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
