I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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