Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
