Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
