Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
