dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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