i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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