So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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