how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just cut my nipple shaving
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
