I puked a lego.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
