all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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