I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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