i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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