What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
