Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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