one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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