I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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