matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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