He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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