i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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