guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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