I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize