i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
