OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
