is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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