He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Randomize
