i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
