We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
