I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
