So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
