I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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