I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
