When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
