new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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