I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
