Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize