Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
