why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
