EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
